Taking It One Day At A Time

People never want the good times to end. That’s pretty typical, right? I mean nobody likes when the fun is over; we prefer the fun be happening. But when it ends (and all good things must come to an end), most people take it in stride. However, there are some for whom the end of fun is the end of existence itself. They refuse to allow even the notion of good times coming to a close to enter their minds. Know anyone like this? I do. Enter Alayna.

There are many things that Alayna likes, which is a very good thing. She loves cows (they say mooooo), she loves horses (they say neeeiigghhhh), she loves trucks (vrooom, vroom), she loves railroad tracks and trains (they say choo choo) and she loves bridges and water (they don’t say anything, but she doesn’t hold that against them). The difficulty is that she loves these things so much that she refuses to entertain the idea that they may not be within visible range. Usually this difficulty (and difficulty is my polite way of say traumatic event) is made manifest while we are driving.

Alayna: “See cows!”
Me: “You like cows?” (This is my attempt to head her off at the pass)
Alayna: “Yeah. Please, see cows.” (She’s not buying it)
Me: “What do cows say?” (Another attempt to avert disaster)
Alayna: “Mooooooooo.”
Alayna: “Please, see cows!” (My attempts always fail)
Me: “There aren’t any cows here.”
Alayna: “PLEEAAASSEEE!!! PLEEAAASSEEE!!!”

At this point in the conversation there is no solution. No logical discussion (like saying “Please doesn’t make them appear”, or “Daddy isn’t a magician”, or “Daddy isn’t God”, or “We’re in the city and cows aren’t around”, or “Wait a little bit”, or “We’ll see them another time”, or “I want to see cows too”, or “There’s a cow, right there” (that one sometimes works, but not usually for cows). The only way to avoid the screaming and crying that is the certain outcome of this conversation is to use smoke and mirrors to distract. Enter trucks.

Me: “Alayna, there’s a truck, did you see it?”
Alayna: “Yeah.”
Alayna: “Dood Ah-Nother, truck. Please!”
Me: “Keep looking, you’ll see one.” (Yeah, like that statement’s gonna work)
Alayna: “No. Dood Ah-Nother truck. Please. PLEEAASSSEE!!”
Me: “I’m looking, I think there is one coming up… it’s coming uuuppp…. it’s right there look out your window, its right there do you see it? It’s a great truck. Did you like it?” (Just keep talking, just keep talking, just keep talking, just keep talking)
Alayna: “Yeah.”
Alayna: “Dood Ah-Nother truck. Please! PLLEEAASSSEEE!!!”
Me: “Alayna, what does a cow say?”
Alayna: “Moooooo.”

This subject changing (aka smoke and mirror distraction) can help. But it leads to a conversation about every animal she knows and what sounds they make (yes, that’s birds, roosters, ducks, cats, dogs, horses, frogs, et. al.) which eventually leads to…

Alayna: “Dood Ah-gain!”

This can last for quite awhile, which is helpful, but sometimes while I’m driving this causes my throat to run dry. I have to have some honey and hot water in the car at all times. And just when you think it’s as difficult as it can get, it gets more difficult (read – traumatic). Which leads me to the brief conversation we had yesterday that led to this post.

Me: “Alayna, we’re going over a bridge! Look, it’s the Maumee River!”
Alayna: “Yeah!”
Alayna: “Mommee River.”
Alayna: (Brief moment of contemplative silence)
Alayna: “Mom. Moma. Maomi ver. Mommee ver. Mommee River. Dood Ah-Nother Mommee River!”
Me: “There’s only one.”
Alayna: “Dood Ah-Nother Mommee River. Please. PLLEEAASSEE!!!”

Cows and trucks are one thing, we might be able to have another one of those come by, but I’m not aware of another Maumee River.

Good things must come to an end. Maybe one day she’ll be able to take it in stride and just enjoy the one existing Maumee River.

A trip to the doctor’s office, as any parent of young children knows, is an interesting adventure to say the least. Today was Alayna’s two-year appointment and a medical student did her assessment. You know, the part where they ask you questions from a list to see if your kid is normal. Don’t they know already, nobody is normal?

In thinking about some of the questions multiple answers came to mind. We weren’t sure which one we should have given, so we thought we’d see what you all thought. Which one would you give?

Does she jump two feet?

1. No, she’s not Spud Web. (Short basketball player from back in the day who could dunk…)
2. Fully-sugared or sugar-free?
3. I measured yesterday and she only topped 1 foot 10 inches. Should I spank for that?
4. I can’t even jump two feet.
5. Yes, two years ago I gave birth to a frog.
6. Not if she’s near kryptonite.
7. Yes, she always uses two feet to jump.
8. No, she only uses one foot to jump.

Can she stack six blocks?

1. I’m not sure we can find six blocks in any one place in our house.
2. Yes, she can stack six blocks of cheese in her mouth.
3. I can’t even stack six blocks.
4. I think so, but I don’t know exactly how many blocks she stacks. You’ll have to ask her foreman, she just started laying foundations last week – she had been only doing framing before that.
5. No, she gets to four and her brothers always knock it over. On a positive note, she can shatter six ear drums at one time.

Does she know more than 50 words?

1. Yesterday, when I was having her recite all the words she knows and counting them, we only got to 43. Should I be worried?
2. If not, should she watch more Word Girl on PBS?
3. I don’t even know 50 words.
4. Yeah, but she never remembers to answer in the form of a question on Jeopardy.
5. Do aaahhhh, aarrrghhh, nnmmmk, uuuggghhh, and uummmm count?
6. When we discuss the ramifications of a limited vocabulary with her, she is persistent and unequivocal in her stance on capping her vocabulary at 45 words. I don’t really want to push her on it.

Can another person understand her?

1. When she’s happy, or when she’s mad? She has one word when she’s mad: Aarrgggghhhh. It has several meanings and we haven’t published the dictionary for it yet.
2. Depends on who that other person is. Elmo?
3. No one can even understand me.
4. Does this other person speak English, Chinese, and Gibberish?
5. Is this other person above the age of 2?
6. Well, her babysitter didn’t know what she meant by parsimonious argumentation, but other than that most people can follow her.